If you watched my Instagram stories last week, you saw that we have a new low-waste addition to our bathroom: a bidet attachment. I have been wanting one for years but my husband was understandably skeptical. Is it going to mess with our plumbing? Is it going to be a pain in the ass (HA!) to install (and use)? I’m still using toilet paper, damnit!
So despite eyeing bidets every time I did a midnight online shopping scroll, I never took the leap to buy one. I read a lot of great things about bidets, but they still seem to be a “weird” thing in North America. Even Bea Johnson– the zero waste Queen, says in her book, Zero Waste Home, that they just use paper-wrapped toilet paper rather than a bidet. And pro tip: if you’re out with couple friends complaining about everyone’s quirks and you whine that your husband thinks bidets are weird, you will garner zero sympathy and bring the conversation to a screeching halt. Not that I know from experience or anything.
When my husband told me he got me a present, I was so excited to find out that it was a bidet attachment. (A Luxe Bidet Neo 185 to be exact.) I’m not kidding, friends, I think I jumped. This is ten years of marriage. This is pioneer-wannabe, hippy sensibilities. This is OMG I’m going to save SO MANY TREES.
I fucking love trees.
Now I know you’re curious so I’ll do my best to spread some information.
Will a bidet attachment wreck my plumping?
As long as you follow the instructions carefully while installing, I honestly can’t see this being a problem. Now, both my husband and I come from handy families. We’ve renovated not one, but two older homes. To say we’ve picked up a thing or two throughout the years would be an understatement. Don’t mess with plumbing if you have no idea what you’re doing. Don’t install a bidet attachment if you rent (at least not without your landlord’s permission). Even I, a handy, somewhat knowledgable person, forgot to empty the toilet tank. Thank god for nosy kids who read the instructions and are bossy enough to tell adults when they’re in the wrong.
Is it difficult to install?
I installed the bidet attachment in under twenty minutes. Five minutes were spent looking for a flathead screwdriver to remove the toilet seat. And ten minutes were spent saying shit like “Put the wrench down.” “Don’t lose those pieces!” “Stop licking the dog!” because my kid and dog and cat are always twenty inches away from my face at all times. So a capable adult without small creatures at their feet could probably install this in 5 minutes and minimum fuss as long as their existing plumbing is flexible pipe.
Is it a pain in the ass?
No! Install and operation are super simple but I do recommend using it on the lowest setting, at least until you know what kind of power washing this thing is capable of. You can dry off with a small bit of toilet paper or keep some washcloths near the toilet.
Is a bidet really more environmentally friendly?
Yes. You’re using water, sure. But considering the amount of water and carbon that goes into making toilet paper and then the cost (both financial and environmental) of carting toilet paper to the store and then to your home, you’re much better off with a bidet.
Will my friends be afraid to come over?
Okay but like, they don’t have to use it! It’s not like it’s going to go rogue and automatically start spraying people’s asses. We have ours installed in our master bathroom and our kid keeps sneaking into our room to use it because it’s “super cool.” Even my husband has come around to it. If anything people will wrinkle their noses but then curiosity will get the best of them and hey, maybe they’ll install their own. Or maybe they’ll find less weird friends. It’s a toss up, really. If you’re this far down the low-waste and zero-waste road that you’re installing a bidet attachment, chances are you’re used to being a weirdo. Who cares what people think?
So that’s it. Our bidet saga. Would you ever get a bidet? Do you already have one? Any questions? Let me know in the comments below!